Today’s entries at the Devil’s Food Dictionary:

deep-fried turkey
A common form of insurance fraud disguising itself as holiday dining. Perpetrators of the deep-fried turkey scam typically erect a homemadedeep fryer, capacious enough to accommodate a large turkey, within six feet of their home. When extraction of the cooked bird inevitably results in the tipping-over of the apparatus, the furiously boiling oil spills onto the heat source and catches fire. The flames spread rapidly and consume the entire structure in minutes. The average American’s well-known fondness for Thanksgiving turkey makes arsonous intent nearly impossible to prove.

macaroni
A small, tubular pasta whose bent shape earned it the additional name “elbow macaroni.” Curiously, the word’s final syllable
is pronounced “knee.”

shellfish
A range of aquatic creatures that are divided into two categories, crustaceans and mollusks.

Tip for the Home Cook:
To determine a given animal’s classification,try to picture where it might wear epaulettes, if it suddenly got the urge to do so. If such an image does not readily come to mind, the creature is probably a mollusk.

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