Three Months
This is a weepy one. Don’t click if you don’t want my grieving details. And it’s fine if you don’t want to.
So it’s been three months since Dad died (and btw, I hate saying ‘passed away.’ Others can say it, fine, but it’s so not me. He died. He’s dead. That’s it.). And it’s been really hard to deal with–I find myself thinking about him a lot every day, and my son is having a tough time with it, too, so it makes it extra hard. But the weird thing is, every time I hear about someone dying, I check their age and am secretly (or not so secretly, since I’m spilling it here) happy when the person was younger than my dad. And I get resentful if they were a lot older. I am guessing that is a natural part of the grief process, but I feel kind of ashamed of myself.
I am so, so happy he got to see my house in progress, and saw my book published, and met and had a great relationship with my son. I miss him so much every day. The weirdest things set me off, but I’m down to crying only about once a week now.
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March 19th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
I’m so sorry, Megan.
If it makes you feel any better, I do the same thing with the ages of my grandparents (I lived with them growing up, so they were like my parents), and I get really pissy if someone else got way longer than I did. Don’t be ashamed - it’s just part of being human and resenting the inequities that life deals out.
Missing people sucks. It’s just such an impotent feeling when they’re gone and there’s nothing to be done.
I hope it gets easier for you.
March 19th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
I’m feeling for you my friend. My heart goes out to you. What you’re going through is normal and ok. Love Ya!
March 19th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
It’s been…14 years since my mom died. I still miss her, I still think about her–today while I was driving to pick Brianna up from daycare, I was thinking about my mom, sad neither my husband nor my daughter would ever have memories of her to share with me. Losing a parent is losing a part of yourself, a part of your past. The grief doesn’t end, it’s a cycle, so don’t be too hard on yourself–it’s still so fresh!
March 19th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
Thanks, guys. Your comments really help. Angela, I don’t think it’ll ever go away, like you say–I was so naive when I thought about it before it happened, like i would be prepared. So not prepared, not at all. Thanks for sharing your experience.
And Tracy, we really are sisters under the skin.
Kwana, thanks. I know you’d buy me a glass of zin right now if you could.
March 20th, 2008 at 6:45 am
Their are different stages of grief - each with it’s own struggles. My heart goes out to you with what you are going through. And I know what you mean when you say died. I’m never quite sure what to say - but passed away just isn’t the right term is it? It does get easier and then out of the blue wham! it’s like you just lost the person yesterday and the grief and pain are just as staggering. But those moments get further and further apart.
March 20th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Megan, I felt the same way when my father passed away (sorry I prefer it to dead). I was so depressed after three months that I could hardly get out of bed. I tried to share it with a friend who couldn’t understand who I could still be depressed about it. Needless to say she’s no longer my friend (you know who she is). Fortunately for me, I could go to my happy place in London for a few days to breathe. It’s been 8 years now, and although it doesn’t hurt as much as it once did, I still feel a pang around his birthday.
March 20th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
I am glad for you that your son and father had a relationship. My dad and my son missed each other by 10 months and that still hurts. It will get easier and you will still think about him every day, but the pain that it brings will recede.
Do not feel ashamed of any emotions that come about concerning your grief. I am a middle aged man who never cries, except at those times when I miss my father so much that is almost unbearable.
Whiskey doesn’t help, but it doesn’t really hurt, either.
March 24th, 2008 at 7:37 am
Three months is not long. Of course you’re still grieving.
I hope you’re not thinking you “should” feel better by now - that’s the most toxic thing you can do. Grief is what it is. It has to go its way.