Ooh, Self-Loathing! (Warning: TMI)
This morning, I had to go help a friend run an unpleasant errand. One that caused conflict and anxiety, two things that make me sick to the stomach. It required being around someone I absolutely despise, and sticking with said person until the errand was run.
Ugh. I can explain no more, since that would broach my friend’s privacy. Only to say sometimes PEOPLE ARE HORRIBLE.
And then? Then I was in agony because I felt I embarrassed myself over the weekend. Argh. It seems that I get SO anxious when out in company I drink to compensate. And then drink more.
I hate that about myself. I don’t want to be known as ‘that woman who gets crazy drunk,’ which I feel I am in danger of becoming.
And the worst thing about it is that most times I am in control–it’s just when I’m out with a massive amount of people, and on my own without responsibilities (i.e. the Son) that I let loose. And my brakes sure don’t work.
Some days I really hate myself.
So–how was YOUR weekend?!?
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June 23rd, 2008 at 1:12 pm
You DID not embarrass yourself! You were a lot of fun and everyone had a GREAT time.
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Thanks, EKM. I know I can be too self-conscious.
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Geez, I don’t even have to drink to feel as though I’ve stuck my foot in my mouth. I understand this self-conscious stuff, especially since my social skills no longer exist.
You are far too hard on yourself. You have a wonderful blog and your next book sounds great. Nobody is perfect and people are horrible. But I think you are pretty normal. And I really enjoy your blog.
June 24th, 2008 at 4:27 am
I’m sorry you had to go through a real stressful experience but good for you for sticking with your friend.
And I’m getting to the point where I figure life is too short to worry about people getting offended by trivial things.
Had my Godson over on his birthday for a swim and lots of people were invited. It wasn’t officially a birthday party but one of my friends thought it was poor form that loot bags were not being handed out. She said this to his mom who was hosting the party. To which I turned and said, ‘Uh, you are in my pool, eating a ton of food and getting cake and ice cream and you want a LOOT BAG!?’ She said it was just her opinion that loot bags should be given out. I sat in stunned silence while my best friend worried and fussed over the fact she didn’t buy crap to put in loot bags.
When I told her she was being silly she told me I didn’t understand that loot bags were now an etiquette thing. To which I said ‘I’m pretty sure there is etiquette on not saying to someone who is throwing a party ‘dude, where’s the loot bags!” At which point she settled down.
But I guess my response was seen as nasty. Probably another reason I shouldn’t have kids
Long convoluted way of saying, don’t beat yourself up!
CindyS
June 24th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
“Dude, where’s the loot bags!” Hee.
BTW, Megan, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I had a brilliant time and didn’t notice anything strange that wasn’t supposed to be strange. Not that I’m saying you’re strange. I mean, not that there’s anything particularly good about “normal.” Why be normal? Not that I’m saying you’re normal. Oh, but not that there’s anything wrong with…
I’ll shut up now.
Let’s do it again soon! And I’ll try not to break barware.
Liz