How Dumb Am I?
First off, don’t let my in(s)anity keep you from ordering Carolyn’s book, here.
But here’s the deal: My grandmother, whom I’ve mentioned here before, had excellent taste in clothes. She only wore four colors: Black, white, hot pink and navy. She and my grandfather had to attend a lot of fancy dress affairs, thanks to his job (he was in retail), so she had a massive wardrobe. MASSIVE.
I have almost a dozen of her and my aunt’s gowns, from Geoffrey Beene to Christian Dior to things she whipped up herself. She was an excellent seamstress, and had five kids, so couture wasn’t always in the cards.
But she was also anorexic (I have two other female relatives with bulimia and morbid obesity. Is it any wonder I’m so messed up?). She weighed *maybe* 110 pounds her whole life, and was proud that she was back to her usual weight within a week of having kids (twins included!). By the time she died, she was a little more than 80 pounds.
So when I try on her gowns–keeping in mind the last time I saw 110 pounds was in fourth grade or something–why am I so incredibly bummed I can’t fit into all of them? I can fit into some, but there’s one that just won’t zip without some serious elbow grease, and the Spouse and I didn’t think it was worth possibly wrecking the gown just to see me bundled into it.
I’ve been in a black cloud since that last one wouldn’t zip. What the hell? I can fit into most, thanks to generous hip allowance and a small waist, but not all. Shouldn’t I be okay with that? Why do I have to be so neurotic? Of course, it doesn’t help that I haven’t worked out consistently since April, and my arms are bugging me. When September comes, I am SO going back to the gym. Then I’ll wear a b&w Dior gown to pick my son up from school. That’ll show ‘em.
Sometimes I think I’m just fine, and then sometimes I really I am just a big hot mess.
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July 28th, 2008 at 10:05 am
I feel your pain. The only time my mother has weighed over 110 pounds was when she was pregnant. When she married my dad, she weighed probably 90 pounds. The waist of her wedding dress fit me when I was 8 years old. My mom still has this “attitude” about weight. My sister and I are lucky that we didn’t have weight problems growing up. We were thin (I didn’t gain weight until I was married), but not anorexic. And neither of us have any problems eating.
And Megan? You look good. Really. I’ve noticed that some women who are really skinny, also look older.
July 28th, 2008 at 10:28 am
Thanks, Sandy. It makes me feel better knowing that other people have this problem, too, and it’s not that we’re fat, just that we’re built different.
Plus this has been the summer of beer for me, so it’s natural I’m up a bit.
July 28th, 2008 at 10:38 am
Sandy, are you sure we don’t have the same mother?? Yours sounds exactly like mine. I have to tell her to be quiet and quit depressing me when she starts complaining about going over 105 pounds or how “flabby” her stomach is. Sigh. Why do we all do this to ourselves???
Megan, you look FAB, and no matter which gown you wear it will be beautiful! (btw, I have one 1950s black velvet and taffeta Dior gown that once belonged to my own uber-fashionable aunt, and I can’t zip it all the way up the back. It’s very sad. And she used to let me play dress-up with it when I was a kid, which is insane!)