Rain-Freaking-Bow
A few nights ago, the Spouse and I caught the end of Spinal Tap. Fine, you say. Funny. You’d be right. But Spinal Tap–and the impending Frantic City trip (it’s a bachelor party, yo)–made him fire up Amazon and download some REAL Spinal Tappish bands. Like Rainbow. And “All Night Long:”
You’re walking up with your eyes on me
It’s looking good but I just don’t know
I need a girl who can keep her head
All night long
You didn’t came just to see the show
I guess you know what you wanna see
The way you smile lets me know
I can’t go wrong
I wanna touch you
I wanna feel you
I wanna make you mine
I wanna love you all night long
I wanna be with you all night long
I wanna love you all night long
I wanna be with you all night long
I saw you standing down by the stage
Your black stockings and you see - through dress
Your mouth is open but I don’t wanna hear you
Say goodnight
You’re sort of young but you’re over age
I don’t care ’cause I live your style
I don’t know about your main but
You look alright
I wanna touch you
I wanna feel you
I wanna make you mine
I wanna love you all night long
I wanna be with you all night long
I wanna love you all night long
I wanna be with you all night long
Your mind is dirty but your hands are clean
You show no class but your legs are long
I know I can’t stand another night
On my own
Hey girl would you like some wine
What’s your name are you by yourself
Are you the one what do you say
Can I take you home
I wanna touch you
I wanna feel you
I wanna make you mine
I wanna love you all night long
I wanna be with you all night long
I wanna love you all night long
I wanna be with you all night long
There’s so much wrong with this, it’s hard to know where to start. First of all, though, is that this incredible lameness DOESN’T EVEN RHYME! And if it does rhyme, sort of, he rhymes “long” with “long.” Nice going, asshat. And third? Third is that if he chose NOT to rhyme, the least he coulda done is come up with some interesting lyrics. No, instead we have “Hey girl would you like some wine?” I’ve heard better repartee in a Kate Hudson movie.
The Spouse played it for me, I listened dutifully, and then I gave him the Look. “You know I can never get those three and a half minutes back from my life, don’t you?” I asked. He just howled some more. If you wanna see the horror in person, go here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jvd8RR0wvNg
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August 17th, 2008 at 10:14 am
Right around 2:28 or so there is a quick shot of the drummer’s white leather boots. Don’t miss it.
August 17th, 2008 at 11:09 am
The horror. My eyes! My eyes!
I have not heard of this band, nor have I ever heard this song. I will do my brain a favor and stay away.
“Your mouth is open but I don’t wanna hear you”
It is JUST. WRONG.
August 18th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
HEY!!! That’s my favorite song.
August 18th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
Help.
That really was atrocious.
I need to go watch me some Spinal Tap. Big Bottomed Woman!!1!
August 18th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
Zooma–no offense meant!
January 9th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
I hate to add insult to injury but the original lyrics of the third line read…well, just replace “keep” with “give me.” Don’t ask me why I know. I just do.
January 10th, 2009 at 12:13 am
Glen, I totally would have guessed that. Subtle, they’re not.