Oomph!
So I sent the first three chapters of Mothering Heights to my agent, who said she liked the character (yay!) and liked the premise (yay! squared), but it needed to start off with an ‘oomph,’ like a car being repossessed or something dramatic.
The Creative, And It Hews To Real Life Spouse suggested the heroine needs dramatic dental work, or all her teeth will fall out (disclosure: I am having oral surgery in two weeks. Ugh).
But I thought maybe someone out there would have another idea so I could throw all the ideas into the Idea Blender?
Here’s the blurby thing:
Molly Hagan is overwhelmed.
Her husband left her for a younger, blonder woman six months ago, her six year-old son is questioning her authority–and so is she. In order to pay her Brooklyn rent and keep her son supplied with Pokemon and Legos—not to mention food and clothing—she has to get a job. She’ll never have enough caffeine—ever—and she’s forty years old.
If it weren’t for her son, she’d have thrown herself out the window 5 months and 29 days ago.
But Molly knows that constant mourning isn’t good for her or her son. And it sure as hell won’t pay the bills.
Thoughts for some oomph?
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March 18th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Have you read Jane Porter’s “Flirting with Forty”? It’s back blurb and the way the first chapter reads…ooomph galore.
March 18th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Both the male dentist and the female hygenist hit on her! Flattered and conflicted!
March 18th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
why the six month lag between hubby leaving and the start of the book? Have her get hit by his leaving AND “oomph” the same day. immediacy.
oomph could be…
- dental work is good because it puts you in a health care bind. also can create scenes where communicating is awkward/painful.
- old nerdy not attractive friend who carried a flame pounces on the occasion (she’s still not interested, but there could be something interesting there — he’s good with her kid?)
- the oomph has to require her to interact with people or a person in a way that she doesn’t want to…
- learns details of husband’s secret gambling too? does she get roped into it?
- she wins some sort of raffle trip to an awesome location (conflict with taking the son?)
- wacky neighbor never fails.
good luck
March 18th, 2009 at 10:43 pm
How about after having gone to a series of disappointing job interviews for the job as a haute coutre buyer she had BK (before kid), she discovers that the only place that’ll have her is a retail outlet center.
Or it turns out the gorgeous furniture that the husband bought for their apartment was really from a high end rental center. So when the account goes into collection, they come to collect the furniture, leaving her with four walls, dust bunnies and the loose change that fell out of the sofa.
I hope that helps…
March 18th, 2009 at 11:12 pm
Okay, I’m no writer - does the blurb need more oomph or the opening?
She’s walking down a fancy hall in a gorgeous building, papers in her hands, juggling a fresh cup of coffee but she’s spilling every where.
Gets to door, big breath and knocks - Blondie opens door in great outfit. Anger, embarrassment, papers covered in coffee.
Where is he?
Blondie sighs and points.
Tromps into soon-to-be ex’s den.
School says son needs counceling and she needs money pronto. Husband says she’s just a bad mother.
Go
CindyS
March 19th, 2009 at 12:26 am
So - she needs a job - but she loves caffeine. Was the younger, blonder woman a barista at her favorite boho coffee joint? And she can’t stand the thought of having to go to the starbucks across the street that the window that she would have jumped out of faces?
The dad is not sending money for basic necessities why? Where is he living? Denmark next to the Lego factory? Maybe the barista blonde was from Copenhagen.
March 19th, 2009 at 10:11 am
Okay, my two cents. I agree with the dental surgery idea, as well as having the book start when he’s leaving her, perhaps when she gets home from having the dental surgery and she’s in pain, and then he hits her with, oh by the way, I’m leaving you.
If you stick with the six months later idea, then I would go with the car being repossessed. And is the father not paying any child support or alimony?
March 20th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Oomph ideas, large and small, in no particular order
1. A house/apt fire. Fire can be an interesting device in a story; it can mean total or partial separations from home, temporary or permanent. Perhaps, a yuppie arsonist strikes to avoid foreclosure on investment property.
2. The phone rings, it is the Maury Povich show trying to reach the husband, and the baby sitter is looking a bit fat.
3. Identity Theft, leading to all shorts of troubles including much difficulty in getting online.
4. A perfect storm results in a series of snow days at school, with more due in the forecast.
5. The MTA proposes sharp service cuts in the train/bus lines she uses.
6. A model “family values” family with kids moves in next-door.
7. There goes the neighborhood, pick your direction. Clear threatening indications of a quick slide her ‘hood is taking, becoming a “bad area”; or the hood is moving the other way with new shops she can’t afford to set foot in.
March 28th, 2009 at 9:38 pm
How about she is hesistant to reconnect with a guy she used to have feelings for when she sees him on facebook. She feels as though he was never attracted to her or else something would have surely happened years ago when she knew him in college. She ‘friends’ him and he sends her the most complimentary and lovely email. He lives across the country and is married with kids, yet embarks on this emotional affair with her, despite her current situation. She is beyond surprised at his attention and shocked by the beautiful things he says and the way it makes her feel. Her confidence starts to grow, yet she is torn because she knows that what she is doing with this man is wrong. She has an addictive personality and is powerless to resist his charms.